How to live in Spain yet still be a “guiri”

I’ve lived in Spain for about two years now, yet I’m still very much a guiri in certain aspects.  For those of you who don’t know what a guiri is, it’s basically Spain’s term for a laughable, pasty-white, foreign tourist who is here on vacation but doesn’t really “fit in.”  Yes indeed, the beaches of Spain fill up with guiris in the summer months and in the winter a few of us — me, for example – stick around. 

Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself pretty well-integrated into Spanish society; however, I’ll always have certain “guiri characteristics” when it comes to a few things.  Here are the top five reasons why I still consider myself to be a guiri:

  1. I eat fast food: In Spain, the land of the Mediterranean diet, I eat fast food — and I eat it quite regularly.  In fact, when I confess to Spaniards that I make at least one trip to McDonald’s a week, they simply cannot believe me.  Eating fast food just isn’t as common here as it is in the States.  I guess if you eat a lot of fast food you’re still a guiri in some respect (you’re also probably at a higher risk for heart disease, but let’s save that for a different post).
     
  2. I have a different concept of time: Most Spaniards have a different concept of time than I do (I’m not saying that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it is something I notice).  For example, if I tell a group of Spanish friends that I will meet them at 10:00 PM in the city center, I arrive to the city center a little early — perhaps at 9:53 or so.  Spaniards, on the other hand, begin to arrive around 10:00 and it’s not really unusual for them to arrive even a tad later than 10:00.  So, while the Spaniards are living it up with their laid-back lifestyle and arriving at their earliest convenience, I (the guiri) am nervously looking at my watch and wondering where everybody is at. 
     
  3. I eat lunch at 12:30 or 1:00: In Spain, a late lunch is king.  The normal lunch hour is from 2:00 to 5:00 PM and people typically eat at any time during that three-hour span.  I, as a guiri, do not like waiting that long.  In fact, when I lived in the USA I often ate lunch around 11:30 AM; so, waiting until 2:00 is something that I try to avoid (if I can).  My Spanish housemates laugh when I eat so early and tell me that I have some very “strange customs.”  Still, I persist with my “guiri ways.”
     
  4. The kissing thing confuses me: It is very common here in Spain to give kisses on the cheek when you are meeting someone for the first time or to greet someone that you haven’t seen in a while.  This is something that is never done in the USA and, as a result, it’s something that has always confused me.  I never know who I should give two cheek kisses to and who I shouldn’t.  Sometimes the person who I’m meeting expects two kisses and other times they don’t… the whole cheek kissing thing is really a bit of a mystery for a poor guiri like me, even to this day. 
     
  5. You tell me: If you’re an expat living in Spain, help me finish this post by writing how you are still a guiri in the comments section below.  If you’re a Spaniard, perhaps you’d like to comment on some of the strange things that guiris do in your country.  Continue reading this post…